My interactive story!

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Wario86

My interactive story!

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Posts: 29

(07/24/99 20:25:23)

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Anyone can help write in the story. But before you do go read my game idea in Game concepts and desine. The game idea is called Mario Retires 64. Do not read this story before you read Mario Retires. So go. Leave. Why are you reading this? GET OUT OF HERE!

Super Mario Kids...
(This starts off where my game idea stopped)

Wario:Daddy. Dad.....WHAAAAAAA!!!!!!
All the kids start crying. Princess Peach sent the kids to bed. They went up into there rooms and got into bed.
(In Mario Jr.'s room)
Mario(Thinking):I've gotta go get Bowser. I'll pack and sneek out.
Mario grabs a back pack and puts stuff in it like rope, flash light, food, water ect. He sneeks through the castle and finally gets out. He turns on the flash light and walks over the bridge. Then something falls on top of him. Mario stands up and points the flash light at it. It was Peach(The kid).
Mario:What are you doing here?
Peach:Nothing. What are you doing here?
Mario:Nothing.
Peach:You're going to go get Bowser.
Mario:No
Peach:Yes you are!
Mario:No, I'm not!
Peach:Yes
Mario:No
Peach:YES YES YES YES YES, YOU ARE!
Mario:Shhhhh! Be quiet. Yes I am.
Peach: I'm going to.
Mario:No, it's to dangerous.
Peach:I'm going wether you like it or not!
Mario: No you can't......(Mario hears somthing in the moat) What's that?
He looks into the moat.
Voice:Help! Help! I can't swim!
Other Voice:Be quiet. You can swim.
1st Voice:I forgot how too! HELP ME!!!
2nd Voice:Shhhhhh!!!
1st Voice:Hey. someone's on the bridge.
2nd Voice:Hand me the flash light.
The person points the flash light at Mario.
2nd Voice: It's Mario.
1st Voice:Help Mario! It's me Luigi.
2nd Voice:And Wario!
Mario:Here grab this rope.
He throws the rope down into the moat. Wario and Luigi grab the rope and climb up.
Wario:Thanks.
Luigi:We're going to go get Bowser.
Mario:Me to.
Peach:Hey! Why aren't you trying to stop them from going!
Mario:Well.....uh....um.......I don't know.
Peach:Yes you do! It's cause I'm a girl. Isn't it!?!
Mario:No No No No.
Peach:Admit it.
Mario:Lets get going.
Peach:Mario, I hate you!
Mario:I'm sorry......but we need to get going.
They set out on there adventure.

~Wario~
Please add on to the story.

Wario86

Re: My interactive story!

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Posts: 29

(07/25/99 09:43:20)

Wow it's taking everyone a loooooong time to read my game idea. So I'm going to add some more.

Then they come across a pipe.
Mario:A pipe. Dad told us about these.I wonder where it leads to.
Peach:There's only one way to find out.
Wario:I'm going in first.
Luigi:I don't want to go in.
Mario:Come on. It's just a pipe. What could happen?
Luigi:Well ok.
Wario jumps into the pipe.
Wario:I'm stuck! Push me through.
Everyone climbs on top of the pipe and start pushing Wario down the pipe.
Wario:Owwwwww! I can't fit.
Mario:I know! I'll do a ground pound on you.
Wario:NO! Don't! Mario don't!
Mario jumps up and does a ground pound on Wario's head.
Wario:OWWWWWWWWW!
They both fall into the pipe.
Peach:Come Luigi time to go.
Luigi:It looks scary. I don't want to (Peach grabs Luigi's hand and jumps in the pipe) gooooooo!
They all come out of another pipe. They are in a haunted house. There are Boos everywhere.
Luigi:I told we shouldn't have went through the pipe!
Then a Big Boo comes up to them.
Luigi:AHHHHHHHHH!!! What are we going to do!
Mario:Ummmm....uh....RUN!
They all start running. They ran as fast as they could but the Big Boo caught up with them. Then a ghost from behind them came and ran into the Big Boo.
Ghost:Get out of here!
The Big Boo ran off. Then the ghost started coming closer to the kids.
Ghost:What are you doing here?
Mario:Who...who are you?
The ghost flys closer to them so they can see him. It's Mario.
Mario:Dad?
Mario:Yes, I'm your dad.
Kids:DAD!
They run over to hug him but they just run through him.
Mario:I am dead. I want you kids to go home.
MarioJr:No! We can't go home. We have to get revenge.
Mario:Bowser is to strong. Just go home.
MarioJr:Dad you have trained us. Together we can defeat him.
Mario:I don't want you to get hurt.
MarioJr:We won't. Trust us.
Mario:ok. There is a pipe up ahead. Go through it. It will take you to Yoshi's Island.
MarioJr:Thanks
They push Wario through the pipe and jump in.

~Wario~
PLEASE, add on to the story.

Wario86

Re: My interactive story!

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Posts: 29

(07/25/99 19:08:59)

It's taking everyone a really long time to read my game idea. I'll right some more.

They are on Yoshi's Island. They look around and see Yoshi.
Kids: Uncle Yoshi!
Yoshi heard them and walked over to them.
Yoshi:Hi, what are you doing here?
Luigi:We're out to get revenge on Bowser.
Yoshi:What did he do now.
Wario:He killed Dad.
Yoshi:What? How?
Mario:After he trained us Bowser just came up and killed him.
Yoshi:I know something that will help you.
Yoshi runs into his house and grabs a box. He comes back outside.
Yoshi:I was going to send these to your dad, but I guess you should have them.
He opens up the box and there are three hats in it.
Yoshi:They're Fire Caps. Wear them and you can throw FireBalls.
Peach:I thought thats what flowers were for.
Yoshi:They are, but these give you a special power.
Kids:oh
They all grab a hat and put it on their head.
Yoshi:Peach, your hat allows you to fly for awhile. Luigi, your FireBalls are larger than normal and go farther. Wario, If you run and then stop you won't slide and you can go up steeper hills. Mario, after you get hit you stay invinceble longer than normal.
Kids:cool
Yoshi:There is a boat there. You can use it.
Kids:Thanks, uncle Yoshi.

Dawn of Epix

Re: My interactive story!

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Posts: 30

(07/25/99 21:59:44)

The 4 children went to see in the small boat.

Mario: I have to go potty.

Luigi: Are we there yet?

Peach: I wanna go home.

Wario: I'm hungry.

Mario takes a leak, Luigi is bored, Peach complains some more, and Wario eats his boogers.

Just then, a wave hit the boat and destroyed it. The children were thrown into the ice cold water.

Peach grabs the only floating board large enough to hold her. Luigi, freezing his ass off, swims up to Peach.

Luigi: Peach, promise me something. Promise me now, Peach.

Peach: I promise.

Luigi: Promise me that you'll.... let........go
(teeth chattering)....of.........that....b-b-b-board.

Paech: (Crying) I'll never let go, Luigi. I'll never let go....

Luigi freezes to death in the freezing water.

Mario: What a skinny wuss.

Wario: I'm glad we have all that extra padding to keep us warm.

Just then, a whirlpool hit the area, and the three children we sucked inside. The whirlpool led to a warp pipe.

Mario: Where will this warp pipe lead us now?

DoE Club Member

Wario86

Re: My interactive story!

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Posts: 29

(07/26/99 08:53:45)

Then dead Luigi falls down beside them. Mario takes a 1-Up Mushroom out of his backpack and gave it to Luigi.
Luigi:Thanks. LOOK A WARP PIPE!
Mario:We already noticed it.
Luigi:oh
They all jump in the Warp Pipe and come out at TadPole Pond. Then they hear Frogfucius.
Frogfusius:You have come to seek my wisdom. Right?
Mario:Actually we just went went through a Warp Pipe and......
Frogfucius:It is very rude to interupt me like that.
Mario:But I....
Frogfucius:Come to my island where we can talk.
The tadpoles form a bridge and the kids jump over to the island.
Frogfucius:What brings you here?
Mario:Like I was trying to say we just jumped into a Warp Pipe and.....
Frogfucius:I know why you are here.
Mario:Why did you ask us then.
Frogfucius:Stop interupting me. You are trying to get to Bowser's castle for revenge. But oh, if you only knew.
Mario:Knew what?
Frogfucius:Pull up a ToadStool and partake of my wisdom. You not only need to get revenge. You have to save Pauline.
Mario:Who's Pauline?
Frogfucius:Has your father ever told you about the time he had to defeat the evil Donkey Kong?
Mario:Yes.
Frogfucius:The girl he had to save is Pauline's mother.
Mario:Why has Bowser kidnapped her?
Frogfucius:Bowser has not.
Mario:But you just said he did.
Frogfucius:I said she has been kidnapped. I didn't say by who.
Mario:Well who kidnapped her.
Frogfucius:Roy Koopa.
Mario:Where is he?
Frogfucius:At Bowser's castle. Here take this map. It will help you.
He gives them the map.
Kids:Thank you.
Frogfucius:Now go rescue Pauline and get revenge. There are some Warp Pipes over there.

Wario86

Re: My interactive story!

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Posts: 29

(07/27/99 17:45:37)

I not able to make \/'s. So in words like do\/es, I'll use \/ instead of \/. keyboard is broken or something.

They walk o\/er to the 5 Warp Pipes.
Mario:Which one should we go through?
Wario:How about that one.
Wario points at one of the Pipes.
Mario:Sure.
Peach:ok
Luigi:Ummmm....ok
They all jump in the Pipe. They come out in Nimbus Land. They see a sign and walk up to it. The sign says:
\/isit the Castle.
Wario:You want to isit the castle?
Peach:ya lets go.
They go to the castle. They walk through it and find a room with fi\/e statues.
Mario:Look, it's dad.
Wario:And Mom.
Luigi:PEACE, LOOK BEHIND YOU! IT'S BOWSER!
Peach:AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Luigi:Wait it's just a statue.
Mario walks o\/er to the Bowser statue and knocks it o\/er. When it hits the ground it shatters into pieces. Then Mallow walks in.

James FP

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Posts: 2503

(07/16/08 09:21:11)

Lord British Space Destroyer

Oh...man...this is bad. Really bad.

This really makes me appreciate how well FO, Hobbes, and DH write in character voice with their sketches.

First of all, it's probably not a good idea to write stories where little kids are the main protagonists. Why even bother doing that since you're just using the Mario characters anyway? I don't know what the benefit of having them be children here is, other than that their dialogue is very stripped down and they cry a lot.

I understand not wanting to give lengthy explanations to characters your audience is probably already familiar with, but you still might want to take into account that people may not be. New characters keep getting introduced and it could be potentially confusing to those who may not be 100% familiar with them. Sentences like,

"I've gotta go get Bowser."
"Well who kidnapped her?" "Roy Koopa".
"Then Mallow walks in."

all just pop up with no previous context for these characters. The following lines don't offer much in the way of explanation either.

Also, different writers have tendencies to write characters differently. We may know that we're reading about Mario, but how do you perceive Mario? That's why it's a good idea to establish something about the characters' personalities through their dialogue. All of these characters are interchangeable the way it is written now.

Get out of my cheese, get into my corn!

Flying Omelette

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Posts: 7253

(07/17/08 19:02:34)

Nomad Soul
Administrator

One of the reasons fanfiction is usually so bad is because people often don't perceive things for what they really are.

We talked about this once before when Crawl mentioned that the Season 4 writer for Transformers was so enamored with Optimus Prime, that he wrote him almost completely differently from how he was written in Seasons 1 and 2. Crawl also told me that he saw people at another message board complaining that Prime was written to act like a jerk in the movie. Uh, yeah. How's that different from Season 1 and 2 Prime, again?

I don't know if any of my posts on the subject exist any more (because I think they were made around the time of the hacker attack), but I ran into that constantly when I was hanging around Transformers sites and boards for awhile. There was one board in particular I remember where everyone would have you believe that every Autobot's personality is basically this: Noble hero, fearless, grindstone serious in thoughts and manner, born to fight evil, and lives for no other purpose. Mention any flaw of the character or deviation from that description, for better or for worse, and no matter what examples from source material you provide, they'll fanboy their way around it.

Another example was that guy from HG101 who said that Luke Skywalker was a teenage hero who isn't angsty.

I also remember someone saying they didn't like how Luigi's Mansion portrayed Luigi as being scared of everything, to which someone replied and said he's been portrayed like that before (specifically pointing to his roles in the various cartoon series and how he runs in midair constantly in SMB2, as though he's really nervous).

Part of this I think is related to what we were talking about before when I said that when I was young, a mere suggestion of something would often be enough for my imagination to concoct something that was better than what was actually happening (such as Banjo the Woodpile Cat). But I'm older now and able to see the truth, and some of these people are old enough now, too.

Think of what you're saying,
You can get it wrong
And still you think that it's all right.
Think of what I'm saying,
We can work it out
And get it straight or say good night.

There is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God, I know I'm one

Crawl and 1OOO

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Posts: 51

(07/18/08 05:46:06)

Solvalou

It's pretty bad, but it's obviously written by a little kid. I don't think there's any sense in even critiquing it -- even an author would know how bad it was a few years later. And I don't think any normal adult could accidentally write that bad.

CRAWLand1000

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Posts: 3595

(07/18/08 07:30:24)

I think I'm tempted to say that kids who are trying to learn to write should try writing in prose, not scripts (for some reason, script format is really popular among kids).

Sure, Shakespeare, Sartre and Shaw all wrote in script format.

And when someone writes

Mario walks over to the Bowser statue and knocks it over. When it hits the ground it shatters into pieces. Then Mallow walks in.

it might not be that different than the part in Macbeth when Macbeth attacks Macduff:

MACBETH.

I will not yield,

To kiss the ground before young Malcolm's feet,

And to be baited with the rabble's curse.

Though Birnam wood be come to Dunsinane,

And thou oppos'd, being of no woman born,

Yet I will try the last. Before my body

I throw my warlike shield: lay on, Macduff;

And damn'd be him that first cries, "Hold, enough!"

[Exeunt fighting. Alarums.]

[Re-enter fighting, and Macbeth is slain. Exit Macduff, with Macbeth's body.]

The thing is, Macbeth is a play, and when it says that there's fighting, that means that you really would see fighting on stage.

Saying "Then Mallow walks in" is just dead on the page as prose.

Also, I don't know if Shakespeare ever sat down and wrote that bland stage direction. I heard the printed versions of his plays were reconstructed after the fact.

Pygmalion, on the other hand, was written in script format, but it has prose, too:

[She sits down on the plinth of the column, sorting her flowers, on the lady's right. She is not at all an attractive person. She is perhaps eighteen, perhaps twenty, hardly older. She wears a little sailor hat of black straw that has long been exposed to the dust and soot of London and has seldom if ever been brushed. Her hair needs washing rather badly: its mousy color can hardly be natural. She wears a shoddy black coat that reaches nearly to her knees and is shaped to her waist. She has a brown skirt with a coarse apron. Her boots are much the worse for wear. She is no doubt as clean as she can afford to be; but compared to the ladies she is very dirty. Her features are no worse than theirs; but their condition leaves something to be desired; and she needs the services of a dentist].

Most "modern" plays I've read have a decent amount of prose. I think they were written that way so they could be enjoyed even as a book, if you didn't get a chance to see it performed.

"Without a foothold in the past, we cannot walk towards the future."
-Vagrant Story

Last Edited By: CRAWLand1000 07/18/08 07:34:45. Edited 2 times.

ACC KAIN

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Posts: 357

(07/22/08 09:23:31)

I do have some (minimal) standards for what I'll archive to the site. This one doesn't meet them and I won't be archiving anything else that doesn't either.

"No one can withstand the power of KAIN"

Flying Omelette

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Posts: 7261

(09/13/08 04:46:00)

Nomad Soul
Administrator

Flying Omelette wrote:
One of the reasons fanfiction is usually so bad is because people often don't perceive things for what they really are.

Another problem is that people often project traits and qualities onto a character they like because it reflects their own interests.

Crawl and I had an argument about this lately. I drew a picture of Nucleo teaching math in a classroom. Nucleo's not really a math teacher, but it's one of his hobbies, and I imagine that he uses it sometimes in his teachings. While I haven't exactly come out and said that it's one of his hobbies explicitly, he does use phrases like, "For the love of all things geometrical" and "great angles of elevation", and he was asking Sesa about what type of calculator would be best to get - so that all implies it's part of his personality.

Crawl, whose favorite RAU character is Crow, said he didn't think Nucleo really was interested in math, but that Crow was. I don't picture Crow as having any interest in math. He's an old wizard, and maybe he uses some to measure potions, but I think he would be more interested in magic and old arcane teachings than Nucleo's crazy new age calculus and algebra. But I think Crawl wants Crow to have that trait because he likes math, and he likes Crow more than Nucleo.

Rob Powers talked about this in his ramblings on Transformers fanfiction cliches (which universally apply to more than just Transformers - a point I'm making for the Viper Diamonds and Psycho Penguins of the world).

* Characters have taste in Earthen music that is surprisingly
similar to that of the author.

I believe it was Walky who first pointed out this one. Just
once I'd like to see some Transformer listening to Metallica or
Megadeth, only to have another character turn to him and
say, "How can you listen to that teenage-angsty heavy metal
crap? Here, try some Barry Mantilow or Barbara Streissand
instead -- it's much better!" Odds are most of your readers
have never heard the song you're referring to anyway. There
are some songs that are fairly universal in American culture,
and could probably be cited by name -- "American Pie" or
"Piano Man" or "Born to Be Wild", to name a few. But if it's
never been a huge Top 40 hit, most folks probably won't know
it. If you need some "source music" in your story (ie, music
that the characters are listening to), a simple description of
"blasting speed metal" or "funky reggae" or "top-volume drum
and bass" will get your point across well enough.

I ran into a Transformers fanfiction once in which a character was listening to Nine Inch Nails. I don't have a problem (obviously, since I'm a fan) of people liking Nine Inch Nails. But it was SO obvious that the only reason that character was listening to that music in that scene was because the author is a NIN fan. I personally wouldn't have a character just happen to like Linda Ronstadt unless he/she had some other reason to like her besides that I do. Like, for example, if you were to make a joke out of it. I do remember one time I made a joke in my old, old, old RAU comics about a singer who only covers Linda Ronstadt songs (the joke being that most of Linda Ronstadt's songs are covers to begin with - not just that he's covering those songs because I like Linda Ronstadt).

"There's a worse room than this?! How?! Is it on fire?"

ACC KAIN

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Posts: 359

(09/16/08 03:58:12)

Crow hasn't been seen enough in the series for me to properly judge, but if I had to, I would guess that he's the type who would be contemptuous of science, like the exact opposite of Honen.

"No one can withstand the power of KAIN"

Crawl and 1OOO

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Posts: 64

(09/27/08 06:57:59)

Solvalou

Well, I don't think I was just "projecting". Maybe a little, but it's not like I said Crow likes Nine Inch Nails. But since Crow started a magic school and was old, I assumed he was a powerful wizard, because those types of characters are always cool. And a lot of times, mathematics has some relation to magic -- eg., Arithmancy and Numerology. I guess a magician might not care about practical mathematics or electronics. And I guess magic can work differently in your universe.

Flying Omelette

[-]

Posts: 7266

(09/27/08 07:03:35)

Nomad Soul
Administrator

But since Crow started a magic school and was old, I assumed he was a powerful wizard, because those types of characters are always cool.

Well, that wasn't just an assumption, I've flat-out mentioned that he is powerful. That's not what I was arguing against. I don't think Crow became powerful by doing calculus. Nucleo is kind of eccentric and gets obsessive over things sometimes, so I can easily imagine him thinking up a simple math problem and getting really carried away with it. Crow, I don't believe, has such obsessions.

Also, the only reason I mentioned you was just to show that it's an easy thing for anyone to do. If I were to ever write with anyone else's characters, I'd have to be careful not to do it myself (I probably already have a little bit with my essays on Arc the Lad and Transformers - although I still think I'm better at basing my assumptions on solid facts from the canon than some fanfiction writers are, especially Transformers.)

"There's a worse room than this?! How?! Is it on fire?"

Last Edited By: Flying Omelette 09/27/08 07:24:59. Edited 2 times.

James FP

[-]

Posts: 2504

(12/03/08 05:00:45)

Lord British Space Destroyer

There was one board in particular I remember where everyone would have you believe that every Autobot's personality is basically this: Noble hero, fearless, grindstone serious in thoughts and manner, born to fight evil, and lives for no other purpose. Mention any flaw of the character or deviation from that description, for better or for worse, and no matter what examples from source material you provide, they'll fanboy their way around it.

The great thing is that that doesn't describe ANY Autobot. Well, maybe there's one or two I'm overlooking/not remembering, but the Autobots were generally created to be worker robots. It wasn't until the Decepticons started world conquest that they became warriors. Even Optimus Prime was an average joe blue collar worker before he got attacked by Megatron and rebuilt.

Get out of my cheese, get into my corn!

Crawl and 1OOO

[-]

Posts: 68

(12/03/08 20:54:10)

Solvalou

It doesn't even describe the warrior Autobots. Warpath was a tank, but even he was goofy, not grimly dedicated to the task of destroying Decepticons.

The only Autobot that description MIGHT fit would be Omega Supreme (and it was suggested that he was that way because the Constructicons took something away from his personality)

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